The path of life is interesting. I've come to realize this after being in two serious relationships, losing my father, and dealing with circumstances no one in their young adulthood would want to deal with. I've come to realize that time does not heal everything. Sure it makes things less painful, but that wound gets deeper and wider when someone brings up a traumatic experience in your life to hurt you.
I've come to also realize that these circumstances that I have had to encounter at such a young age, has made me wise beyond my years. I think back and ask myself certain questions: What if my dad hadn't died? Would I have still pursued journalism? Would I be on the path to being the next hot-shot attorney living in SoCal? Would I have stuck it out in my relationships? -- Then I stop and remind myself that I can't live my life with "what if" attached to the beginning of every question I ask.
Things happen for a reason. I had to go through a blissful relationship to see that I wanted more out of it, that I definitely wasn't getting. I had to go through a stressful, over-exhausting, horrendous relationship to realize that I deserve way better than what I was getting.
To top it all off, being 21 is not what I thought it'd be like. I thought it'd be all parties and wreaking havoc, but I was completely wrong. So far, it's been drama filled and not what I expected. Again, everyone changes, and I guess I'm just at that point where I don't necessarily always wanna do that.
I've come to realize that at this point in my life, being a full time college student who's trying to pursue a journalistic career, is what I need to be focusing on and all that has happened in the last year has just caused detours in that path.
Those detours were meant to happen, I'm sure of it, but I am now in a better place than ever. Don't get me wrong, I miss having someone there every night and I want to have that again (in a committed relationship, where we only want each other and don't wanna go have fun), but I just don't know when; probably soon. However, I am at the point in my life where I thought I'd be engaged. Yes, engaged. No, not married. But life has to run its course. I can't control meeting "the one" or my "soul mate". That just has to happen, but my expectations of men are immensely higher than they were three years ago. No more a-holes running through my life, that's for sure. (I've come to realize that both my ex boyfriends have turned out to be real big a-holes, illegitimately).
Like I said, I guess all this is just part of the path I'm meant to be on. Thank goodness it isn't set in stone, or paved over with concrete. If it was, I'd be so unhappy right now. I just need to live life and be me.
Take it or leave it. And if you don't like me, well then that's your problem and one person I definitely don't need in my life.
-Fin-
This was pretty interesting to read. I do, however, have a few questions for you.
ReplyDelete1. Can you truly be wise beyond your years if you realize it? The truly wise realize that their own wisdom is merely a drop in a vast sea of knowledge and decide that they really are not wise at all.
2.Also, how do you know that every other 21 year old in the world isn't thinking the exact same thing, that they are wise beyond their years, that they all have the same wisdom and are only thinking that they are wiser than others because no one can know exactly how wise someone else is without actually becoming that person? Just a thought :)
and
3. In which way were you trying to use the word "illegitimately" at the end of the fifth paragraph? It seems an odd word choice to describe an a-hole hahaha
Not may 21 year olds lost their father when they were 18, right? So that's how I know I am beyond my years. Trust me, if you had experienced that, maybe you did, then you would know.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for illegitimately, they had no legitimate reason to be a-holes. HAHAHAHA you're so funny